So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
