Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
