is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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