I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
