Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
