you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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