I puked a lego.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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