she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
