like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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