If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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