i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
