How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
