im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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