alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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