I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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