I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
