My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
