It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
