last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
