I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
