he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
