her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
