Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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