I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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