Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
