I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
