he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
