You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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