they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
