You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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