haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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