cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
