don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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