He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
