In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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