After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a beard to bite.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
