I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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