My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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