sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
