I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
