Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
