He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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