pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
