so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
