remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
