uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
