Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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