i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
