im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
