Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
