She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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