very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
