all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
whose parrot is this?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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