Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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